So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
