im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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