Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
People in love make me want to vomit
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
