It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
