So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
