you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
