nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
