please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
