I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize