she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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