When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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