Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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