So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
