Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
