he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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