Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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