Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
