you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
