Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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