I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
