God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
