Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
