you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
