yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
