Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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