he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
