I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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