we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
