I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
