my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
