Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
