Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
