I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if only i could text you this smell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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