how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
