Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
