just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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