So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
