stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
