Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
