the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
