how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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