New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
