i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
