There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
