I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
