I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My liver just had a heart attack.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
