Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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