Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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