you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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