Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
