shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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