he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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