Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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