I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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