peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
