lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
