now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
