if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
