Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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