Moan for me like Helen Keller
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
