drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
