Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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