I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
