Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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