There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she pinky promised me she was 18
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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