areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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