I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
