people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize