I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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