the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
