Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have aggressive nipples.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize