He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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