It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
