dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
