YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
